MY STORY MY LIFE [ A TRUE LIFE STORY]

MY STORY MY LIFE

What if I tell you it has all been a lie. Don’t get me wrong, every feeling I express is as true as it can be but I’m not happy. 
He’s not making me sad neither is the world but I make myself sad.
How about I go to the beginning?
I was 10 when I realized that daddy not being home isn’t because of business trips but because he didn’t love mummy anymore. As a 10 year old that broke me into pieces. I was sad and shattered. 
I never got to experience what it felt like to have your daddy come pick you up from school or come for pta meetings. 
My mum missed pta meetings because she was working real hard to keep my siblings and I going.
I got to high school and I had a crush...yeah yeah I know, I was just in jss1 what did I know but I knew I had a feeling. For a whole year, he looked at me like just his class mate (but really what was I expecting).
So 2nd year of school, this girl, this very pretty girl came to class and the boy I had been drowning over fell for her. That was heartbreaking (ps: this girl is my best friend now) and I was jealous but what did I know, I was just in my second year of school, leaving a regular life, growing boobs and an amazing ass lol,  what more could I have asked for. So life went on straight and cool, nothing spectacular happened again, my feelings died.  
Boom!!!! It was the 28 of September 2013, I just got back to school and I saw this boy, light skinned, skinny looking anambra boy....I was intrigued by him, I tapped my best friend saying “guy who is this boy?, is he in our class?” 
I was amused I had no idea why but I felt love for the first time in my life.
A week later, I got a letter, honestly I can’t remember what the letter said but I know that I felt it in my heart. You know that tickle, he made me feel that way. And he asked me out and I said no. Calm down don’t scream. I was just scared. 
Weeks passed and one day I was sleeping in class and I suddenly woke up and turned to my best friends seat and I told them “I think I really like him”. That day, those two fools set us up and I had my first boyfriend. He made me so happy and I never wanted it to end.
Sadly, a month later he broke up with me and I broke into thousands of pieces. Apparently, I was childish and I didn’t want to kiss him. Lol ..I WAS JUST A KID Bro what did you expect. But i didn’t know that then, I just wanted him to want me so I was willing to beg. My first ever feeling of loneliness.
I literally begged this boy, I told my friends and cousins in school and they begged him. So apparently we got back together and it felt like he was doing me a Favour. He wouldn’t come out to see me, he would be all loving and all and I felt stupid so I decided to end the relationship. That was 2014. From 2014 till 2017, I went wild, I dated 4-5 guys at the same time because I never really knew what I wanted. I was just going round and round. You remember the way I met this guy, yeah same thing happened in ss3 just that  this time he wasn’t skinny. He was buff and chubby and was from akwa Ibom. He was so cute but dumb because for 3 months he never noticed that I was trying to get his attention. So on the 15 of February 2017, I walked up to him and said “bro you’re quite dumb to not see that I’m in love with you “ and I ran. Not the cool kinda run, I literally embarrassed myself. 
He was so perfect, quiet, cute, buff and a footballer. 
So I started flirting when he got admitted in the school clinic and I took my two left legs there. I fed him and used towel to clean him up (all those house wife shit) and one day I was sitting, reading and this bro walked up to me and kissed me. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!! I felt like I won a lottery. I didn’t even wait for him to ask me out, I became his girlfriend. Spoiler; he was my junior . lol and I was leaving school in a few months. So I said let’s enjoy the moment we have now and not bother about what’s going to happen next. And we went on.
He was too perfect , we never had an argument because he never let me get angry. Anytime I want to be mad he’ll calm me down and apologize and I won’t lie I hated it. I hated his perfection because it felt so untrue. 
Fast forward to reality. Graduation day came and I haven’t seen him again since then.
University time.
Uni was a whole different ball game, I was so popular in my first week because I talked too much. Honestly I spoke to a lot of guys too much which got me tagged with the word “Whore” . It was so sad cause I wasn’t doing anything. Being in 100 level, a Virgin, trying to just go through school (even though I was a bit into the whole slay mama thing). I went on with classes and having a lot of followers on my Instagram, living laavida loca. And it happened again. 
There was this guy in school I called my elder brother and he had this very fine friend lol. This particular one didn’t captivate my eye oh but he was cute. So on the 4th of November, 2017, I was walking to a popular cafeteria in school for a friend’s birthday and he was playing ball. (How about I call him D.A)
He missed a goal and I didn’t realize when I said “you couldn’t shoot that simple ball, I’m not crushing on you again”. 
And I tell you that was the beginning of the end. 
He was average height , fair, funny, smart, the ideal boyfriend material. 
After his game, he told my brother to give me his number, that he wasn’t with his phone at that particular time, which I thought was normal. And we started talking and he always invited me to watch him play his volleyball games. He said I was his good luck charm. Oh and did I mention that he was in his final year. We kept on dragging for long, he asked me out and I said no, he asked again and I said no. Why? I wasn’t sure, I was scared that he was going to leave me one day and I was letting the fear win. So one day a friend of mine took my phone and told him yes, I was so angry but she was just trying to do what she thought was best. This relationship lasted for 10 months. A very long 10 months. When the relationship turned 3 months, I saw a different side of him, he was always angry, nothing  over did was perfect, it felt like he just wanted me to be away from him and I couldn’t. You thought I felt love before. I was crazy, I broke down into pieces each time we had an argument. I was always trying to be the best which never seemed to be enough. So on the 10 is September (which was our 10months anniversary) I got a WhatsApp message saying “baby I’m sorry but I don’t think I can continue “. I went haywire. In my head this was my husband and I thought we were just going through a phase. It wasn’t a cool kinda crazy, I legit lost a lot of weight. I looked like a widow and I fell into depression. I waited for him believing that one day he would come back and say he’s sorry but it never happened.
I’ll be skipping all the way to April. 
7th of April 2019
I was going to get a cab when a friend of mine pulled my by the hand and told me to wait, I stood then this weird looking guy walked up to be and said “hi my name is drew “ and I replied. After a few seconds, I started complaining, why would my friend just leave me standing and drew replied telling me that he actually wanted to talk to me that why my friend told me to wait. So we got into the car together and had the shortest but weirdest conversation about my Instagram and we came down at the schools clinic to see friends of ours ( two different people). He didn’t ask for my number.... WHY DIDN’T HE ASK FOR MY NUMBER!!!!!. It weird, I just met him but I felt attracted to him. So after an hour, he came back to where I was and asked for my number. My heart had a thanksgiving service. It had been 7 months since I broke up so I felt I had given myself enough space and time. 
Jokes on me, he didn’t text me and I was scared of texting him, I didn’t want to seem pushy or desperate so I left it there. The next day he replied to my story and we started off from there. He asked when my birthday was and I told him a certain day in May and I asked for his and he said “tomorrow” I was like wow and you don’t seem excited, he said he’s used to it. So that day I was so busy but I tried to get him to want to come and see me but it didn’t work..lol I know , I’m just desperate. So at about 7:30 pm that day I was walking by the suya spot and I heard my name. He was here. He was actually beside me. He got me bugar and we talked. We just connected on my part, I still wasn’t so sure about him but I knew I felt something. As a weirdo that I am, I got the guy I met two days ago a cake not a really big cake but like 3 tiny cupcakes to show that I cared and from that day we saw everyday. 
Now here’s the bummer.
3 months into us dating I started feeling weird about the relationship but I never let it get to me. It was summer break and I went to see him and I discovered he was kinda cheating. He was sexting this girl and I was hurt. You thought I felt pain before, this made me feel different. I had never been cheated on. But I forgave him and we went on feeling like strangers in the relationship.  On the 14th of October, he broke up with me, that he needed space and he was tired of the relationship. I cried, I have never cried in front of a guy before, I cried and I begged him not to leave me but his mind was made up so we agreed to be friends and I was trying but I was failing. A few days later I saw him with someone else. The rush of jealousy that day was  extra, I couldn’t hold it in , I applied for a transfer that I couldn’t stand seeing him with someone else. No judgment but I started seeing someone else when I saw him too as payback and one day I tried to talk to him and he told me that he wished I just disappeared from his life so I tried to make my transfer faster. When my transfer was finalized, I called him and told him and he said we should talk, he confessed to me that he had cheated on me 5 times. I melted, I had no idea what to do at that point but I couldn’t still get away from him so we talked and got back together. 
I left school 3 days later to a different country and we were trying, we were really trying to be stable. But I missed him so I came back to Nigeria to see him which didn’t go well because we ended up fighting. That day I had a packet condom in my bag which belonged to a friend of mine and he took one. 
2 weeks later I heard he had sex with my friend.
BLOW!
I tried to not believe, I refused to believe , he wouldn’t do that to me, he can’t do that to me, he loves me more than that. I filled my head with series of logics to justify his act but I knew it was true and I fought with myself not to believe. I went to collect my transcript when I found out the truth and he broke up with me AGAIN. That he wasn’t good for me and I deserved the best . YEAH! I did deserve the best but I was so in love with him I couldn’t let go. Oh and funny how it was my condom he used on her.( he has no idea that I know this).
I was shattered but I was pretending, I was trying to be strong and forgiving but I hate that girl till date and could kill her. Just saying .lol. A month went by and we spoke and had only arguments. 
And December came and I was ready to let go and enter the new year a new person but he has away of bringing me back. He called me, he was having a panic attack and he said I was the only person that came to his mind . We spoke and he begged. He said I couldn’t leave him and I knew that I couldn’t. I wanted him back as much as he wanted me.  
...
That’s not the end but right now, as perfect as the relationship feels, the fear of being left alone without a dad gives me the thought that one day after a life has started I would be left alone and I would never get to experience happily ever after and that scares me.
ss